Why Self-Care Isn’t Working Until You Get Honest
The truth about why “bubble baths and journaling” won’t heal what you’re holding in.
We’ve all been told self-care is the cure for burnout: take a bath, light a candle, write in your gratitude journal. But if you’re still exhausted, still clenching your jaw, still feeling like one wrong word might break you open — it’s not because you’re failing at self-care. It’s because self-care without honesty is just another performance.
The Performance Trap
So many women I work with feel pressure to look “put together.” Even our self-care gets curated: the Instagram-worthy rituals, the “good vibes only” quotes, the polished smiles. But performance-based self-care isn’t care. It’s another mask, another way we silence what’s actually happening underneath.
What Honesty Looks Like in Practice
Real self-care starts with brutal honesty. Sometimes that honesty sounds like:
“I’m not okay right now.”
“I don’t want to hold it all together anymore.”
“I feel angry, and I don’t know where to put it.”
It doesn’t look like perfectly folded blankets and lavender-scented baths. It looks like crying in your car, screaming into a pillow, or finally admitting you can’t keep living on autopilot. That’s care — not because it’s pretty, but because it’s true.
The Nervous System Connection
When we lie to ourselves (even with “positive vibes”), our nervous system never gets the relief it craves. Honesty is what tells your body: it’s safe to exhale now. That’s when the unclenching begins. That’s when real rest and restoration become possible.
The Soft Return
The Soft Return isn’t about perfect rituals. It’s about giving yourself permission to stop performing and start feeling. To soften, even if it’s messy. To care for yourself in ways that actually heal instead of just hiding the truth.
✨ If you’re tired of doing “all the right things” and still feeling empty, this is your invitation: Let’s get honest. Let’s come home to you.
The Soft Return opens now. Enrollment closes Monday, Sept 29. DM me “RETURN” or click here to join.