Friends and Funnel Cakes

Inspired by this photo, I found myself this past weekend venturing out to Charleston Wine & Food Festival in search of funnel cakes.

And I found them.

I wasn’t alone. Together with my friend Jen, we frolicked at the table of ingredients, mostly freaking out at how playful and fun this event was. We mixed, poured, fried, drank, and ate! It was all delicious!!

While all of that was fun, what made it special was that I wasn’t alone. I could’ve done this event solo and had a blast. But, something I’m constantly learning is that life is better with people. Life is fuller with friends---with people who see and know you through and through.

Life is richer with connection. It is something you choose and you pursue. Yes, relationships can happen organically, but what truly grounds them is life after the initial moment. It’s the daily ins and outs. It’s showing up when it is not convenient. It’s learning vulnerability and transparency. It’s finding safety in that process.

I’ve been guilty of fantasizing about the idea of friends, community, and connection. I’ve been quick to place certain expectations on relationships where the history was not built to carry it. It’s easy to do that and it almost always gets messy. One thing I’m learning is that it is one thing to like the idea of community and another to actually pursue and invest in it. When you choose to pursue connection with someone else---beyond the surface, you commit to building history. Building history is not always clean cut. It’s messy and hard yet beautiful and fulfilling.

Pursuing friends and being one takes time. It takes diligence. It takes intentionality. It takes two parties choosing each other. It’s saying yes to the other person, not just what they can do for you. It’s saying yes to their process even if it looks different than yours. It’s saying yes to who they are.

I look at my life and I honestly don't always do friendship well. I didn’t always have the right expectations. But, in the last few years, I’ve learned so much more about what it’s supposed to look like. What friends really are and how to be one. I’ve learned it because I lived it.

Friends are people who give you space to be you. They embrace all the things about you. They don’t shut you down or out.

Friends show up for every moment in life. They aren’t just there for the highs. They are there for the lows. They are there for the in-betweens.

Friends are the ones where investment is not always extravagant but it is expensive.

Friends are the ones who know your heart. They are the ones you’ve allowed into the hard spaces. They are the ones you’ve allowed to carry your dreams. They are the ones you’ve allowed to have access to the deepest parts of you.

Friends can happen organically, but what sustains the relationship is history built. The constant choosing. Life is built in the mundane, the highs, and the lows. History pursued in every season of life.

I look at my life and I’m thankful for the ones who know my heart. Who carry my dreams with me and see me. I am thankful for the ones who have given me access to their heart and dreams.

Matters of the heart are expensive. Expensive to give, to feel, to hold. They are worth it though. It’s worth it to know and be known deeply. It’s also expensive. It costs to be vulnerable and find safety in it. However, it’s a price worth paying because on the other side of it is history sustained. It is a rooted connection.

As this month unfolds, may you pursue friends. May you take time to honor and celebrate the ones who know your heart and have let you know theirs. May you find safety in vulnerability and weigh the cost of the hearts you get to hold.