Gratitude
I was blindsided, clenched with a numbing grasp. My walls of defense were lined up ready to face a battle of disappoint known as ungratefulness.
It’s blinding and deafening. It’s whispers of discontent cloud our minds from seeing the truth. It creeped upon me last month. More real than I realized, more deeply than I desired.
I was ungrateful borderline bratty as I felt the fear of anticipating and hoping for something good.
It took me a moment to realize what the root was. I found my internal dialogue running in a circle of comparisons. Then I stopped myself. It didn’t make sense. Where was this coming from?
That’s when I knew it was all rooted in fear. A fear of not getting what I’ve given; a fear of if I don’t do it myself, I can’t trust anyone around me to do it. A fear of not feeling loved.
It’s so freeing, startling, and unnerving what the truth reveals. I was spiraling quickly into discontent, but I shook my head at this fear and took a moment---just one moment to be grateful and it changed everything.
I took a moment to list all the extravagant and intentional moments that had transpired over the past few years, and I felt the shift. It was small and gentle, but the whispers died down and fear subsided.
Gratefulness is rooted in truth. Choosing gratefulness when it is so much easier to complain is powerful. It’s not natural. It takes strength and I’ll be honest, not every time I list 20 things, I’m grateful for do I suddenly feel different. Sometimes, it is HARD to make that list. Sometimes, it is HARD to change my mind. Sometimes, it is HARD to choose gratefulness.
But it is always worth it. Ungratefulness will cause us to miss what is in front of us. Ungratefulness will burrow itself into a lie that is wrapped around a fear. But I want to tell you, fear does not get to have the final say and ungratefulness does not get to be your anthem.
It isn’t always easy to sing the song of gratitude. I have often found myself doing it with tears burning my eyes and complaining on the tip of my tongue.
Choose gratitude my friend. Because it’s in the gratefulness, you’ll find hope---it may not feel like a lot---but it is there. It is in gratefulness, that you will see just how much good has unfolded in your life; how much LIFE you have lived and embraced, and you’ll find yourself not despising your present or fearful of your future but strengthened to keep going.