Enemies of the Void

They come and try to dwell. Like vultures watching and calculating your every move. Sometimes, you can sense them even if you can’t see them, you can feel them. Other times, they’re subtle, grabbing a hold of you without you even realizing it, they send you down a spiral. There are various enemies to the void, but there are three we face quite often: Comparison, FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), and Ungratefulness.

Comparison, is like an old friend sneaking into your mind and silently observing your patterns and habits. Sometimes, her presence goes unnoticed as she softly whispers her questions and utters her "if onlys" in moments of vulnerability. But there are times when she causes a commotion. She drags you into the depths of the social media rabbit hole or thrusts her list of "if onlys" upon you, demanding your attention. She firmly grasps your face compelling you to see all the things you lack and enticing you to engage in the "shoulda-woulda-coulda" conversation. Despite her familiarity, she is no ally, she only serves to undermine your self-worth and fuel discontentment. She is no friend. She moves your focus from what is real and true, to highlight reels. She thrives on manipulating your dreams. Turning hopeful dreams into a competition of who can do it first or better. She likes to show up on the days when things are especially slow and you’re feeling discouraged. She likes to join in on the mindless social media scrolling, you know the one, it happens usually when there’s nothing to do and you want to “pass time.” She gets excited when you pass a photo or status that gives you all the feelings. She’s amazing at stealing an opportunity to celebrate and replacing it with thoughts and lies that lead you to invite jealousy and envy in. She does everything she can to twist your reality and cause you to lose hope. She encourages you to complain, to look at what’s not working, and what’s not happening. She extends a hand to Ungratefulness welcoming him to the party.

And he’s annoying, but easy to be around. He has nothing good to say. So when Comparison finishes her presentation, Ungratefulness waltzes in and amplifies everything building his case on “what about me” and the things you lack. Comparison likes to show you what you lack and how you appear to not measure up. Then Ungratefulness likes to get you to complain about it. Because he can keep you from seeing what you do have. And when he’s done that, he’s won. Ungratefulness is easy to fall into because when we are in the void it’s slow, and that’s when nothing is moving or shifting so it’s harder to point out the things that are amazing and moving. Ungratefulness likes to reminisce on what was and hype up what’s to come. It’s that middle space, where it’s not as good as it used to be and not the ideal moment. He’s not great at celebrating what is and choosing what’s before him. Of course, this trio isn’t complete without FOMO.

I personally hate FOMO. I feel like it’s the song Comparison and Ungratefulness sing once they’ve got you where they want you. FOMO is the enemy built on lies that echo you’ll be forgotten or left behind; that you’ll be replaced or excluded. It’s the lie that says if you don’t show up or do x, y, and z, you won’t matter, and you’ll miss out on the greatest thing ever. It’s the lie that says you are not enough. FOMO comes in waves. Sometimes it’s strong and other times it’s like a whisper. It’s the enemy that encourages you to not celebrate the progress of someone else. It’s the enemy that gets stamina from Comparison and Ungratefulness that are fed by complaints and thoughts. FOMO creates illusions with its “what ifs” distorting truth and clouding your vision.

These three are not allies or your support system. They are the enemies that I often find myself facing when I am in my void. There are days when I don’t feel strong enough to fight or capable of overcoming it, but I try. I don’t brush the moments off. I name them, notice what I’m feeling, pause, and become acquainted enough to know which enemy is here and to be prepared for the next time.

When Comparison comes, we do a funny little dance. When she makes one of her obvious arrivals, I roll my eyes and dismiss her. I don’t engage because I know what’s true. But on the days when she’s subtle and switches up her routine I find myself walking down the path with her, fully engaged like old friends catching up. This was me about two weeks ago, when I realized, I was choosing to compare to go down that road. When I realized this, I looked at myself like a ridiculous person, shook myself back to reality and got intentional. I sat down and meditated on all the things I loved about me. It didn’t matter how silly or random it was or if it was something someone else had or could do. This moment was about me and what I loved about me. I chose to see me instead of the opposite. Here are ways that I beat Comparison: 

1.     See YOU.

2.     Call YOU out.

3.     Emphasize all the amazing things about YOU.

4.     Be intentional with YOU.

5.     Name YOUR triggers and pull away from the things that set them off.

For me, sometimes I take social media breaks to clear my head and regain my focus.

With Ungratefulness, I can always tell when he’s near because complaining is ever present. To beat this enemy, I push myself to be grateful. I list things I’m grateful for, no matter how big or small. I won’t lie, there isn’t always immediate relief. Ungratefulness fights back with vengeance but I still choose gratefulness. I speak it out loud and I do it regardless of how I feel because when I do, Ungratefulness has no choice but to back down.

Lastly, FOMO. For me, these enemies work together so when I combat Comparison and Ungratefulness, I weaken FOMO. I often let myself feel all the feelings. I don’t stuff it down or ignore it. I feel it and find the lies that are fueling it and I do my best to remember what’s true. I talk back. I say, “I feel you, but you aren’t my truth.” I acknowledge that FOMO may come, but I don’t stop my life.

Overcoming these enemies is a daily process. It requires us to push pass our emotions, choose ourselves, and be persistent. Because we all experience and process life differently, and face different struggles. Maybe you wrestle with Comparison, FOMO, and Ungratefulness. Or maybe it’s something else that fights against your will and vision to show up where you are. Know that whatever it may be, I want to encourage you that you will overcome it. You can be fully you and show up where you are. You aren’t missing anything because your process looks and feels different. You have not lost progress or missed a step.